What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 02:35
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Do guys ever want to suck a dick even though they are straight?
Im still living with it.
I couldn’t, believe it.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Why are American women so ugly nowadays?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
What does the stink of the skunk look like? Why would it be dangerous?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
What's your wildest & weirdest fantasy?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
How do you get started in bestiality with a dog as a male?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
What is the gayest experience you have seen in prison?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He resisted the act ,that day.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Is 1500 calories enough for a 5’3 15-year-old who is non-active?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
How much gold is there in the world? - Live Science
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But ive been too sick for many years..
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Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I waited trembling.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She married twice! .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
One cannot live in the past .
I said to her
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I will be 64.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
What did i know ?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My family never makes their pension either.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Put me off passion for life!!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Why did i forgive my father ?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I never cut or harmed myself..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She was in good health!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She loved him until the end.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But, we were locked up after school.
So whats the point in blame.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I write beautiful poetry .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was very sick at this time too.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Ive learnt so much.
All the time i was locked up.
She found it foreign!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Was to survive, this bastard.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I think the readers, may guess!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
(And it was in our own minds.)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
It was going to be , some day.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Comes on , in middle age.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But it wasn’t much.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Would this be the day?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My life is so biszare .
So, i spoilt her more .
She wouldn,t have been !
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I don,t even have a pension.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
This is soul school!.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I have no regrets .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We all went to grammer schools
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was 9 years of age.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was seconnd youngest,
Who then, do I blame.?
We were not on the streets..
And i lived it daily.
When she asked me how she looked .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was scared of men, in general
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He knew the spot.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My mum and dad in the seventies!